It is the beginning of a new year, a new path, some could say even a new life. Idk, I am not a big fan of change, but I get this feeling that a lot is going to change this year, and I'm not so sure for the better.
A lot has happened since I last wrote. The stress of last year just kept me off and I was trying to keep life from completely exploding in my face. I managed to survive it ok. I have a new roommate now, Erika. She has been my friend for as long as I can remember. We know how to communicate better and I think that will be our saving grace, though she still does get on my nerves occasionally...haha but thats why I love her. Lauren and I are still friends, not as close as we used to be but I think we need that time apart to get over and move on from what happened with us. My relationship with my dad has deteriorated. He was arrested for fraud bc of money issues and there was a lot of things that happened with She who must not be named towards me and towards my grandma that I can't bring myself to forgive yet.
I got sick and was admitted for my first hospitalization in the adult clinic at UNC and well it was "exciting" to stay the least. Thanks to mom I didn't stay up there long...thank goodness...but getting on IVs and doing them on my own was definitely an experience I wasn't used to. But like all things I made it through it. I felt better then I had in a while once I got off, but unfortunately that lasted like a total of two weeks, and I was back to feeling bad in my lungs again. Welcome to the life of an adult cfer. I feel like my body just telling me that. What a pain! haha Even now as Im sitting here doing my treatments my lungs are screaming at me. It's stupid. I miss the days where I felt normal.
Anyway, so 2013! I feel a weird sort of dread towards it. I can't explain it. Already there have been a few Cfers that have died, and they are all super young too. Not even ten days into the new year and I'm already depressed about it. I have been on edge lately. Snappy with Erika, my bosses, my family. I have started to draw into myself and I'm not sure why. I just have his weird feeling. Kind of like I'm being followed, or someone is watching my every move. Like that picture above, I feel like everything I do is being scrutinized.
There seem to be a lot of people lately that have made comments or said something about the fact that I am single and not engaged or even have a boyfriend. We have customers that come in and say I spend too much time with my dog and not enough time with people. They are probably right, but I like my dog way better then most people these days. Besides my bosses and Erika and my mom there aren't many people I want to be spending a whole bunch of time with. I do miss Kayla and Megan. And spending time with Kim, Leanne, Tanya, and those girls. But they all have their lives together. I feel like I'm perpetually stuck in this life that is half grown up and half still a child.
Like with the guy that I currently have a crush on. His name is Ross, and he delivers Fed EX packages to my store. He is either 26-28, not exactly sure how old he is. Anyway, I think of my life and if I were ever to get the balls to ask him out, what would he think of my life? It isn't like I am completely put together. Sure I live on my own and support myself as well as two animals, but I don't necessarily know what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. And I still act so childish sometimes that it even surprises me. Why would anyone want to be with a child? One day, I will get the guts to ask him out. He is super cute =) haha
There are a couple of things that I am going to try to do this year (and probably fail at). And be warned, these are not resolutions. The minute you say it is, you stop doing it. haha I want to keep up with this blog better, maybe right at least once a week. It is the beginning of a year! So many new things can happen this year...its exciting. like a new adventure! Also, Erika and I have started exercising. Been doing kick boxing and yoga. Switch them up every day. This is a good thing for my health. My docs are gonna be super excited once they learn I have been exercising. Plus I want to get my body in nice shape for my cruise in June! See lots of excitement this year all ready =)
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