Why me?!?

It doesnt matter how long of a time its been since everything ended with me and kody, this is hard.

Seeing that douche surrounded by the people that I grew up with...that have known me since I was a child, that taught me about Jesus and love and living my life the way God wants me to. I can name all the people that are surrounding him and their wives, some of them their children. In the church that I grew up in!! I remember when that building that they are in was built!!! I remember before Giles was there...when Sandy Saunders was preaching what they used to call the old way in the chapel. My mom got married there. My sister got married there! I have so many good memories there. I can never go back.

And knowing that when things went south with me and kody, they followed him. They treated me like I was a slut, ignored me in my times of need, rejected my questions about God and Christianity and just made me feel like a complete and total failure about life.

These people, who taught me everything that I knew about God, and everything that I had believed, just people that taught me how to live! they rejected me. for this asshole. who is the biggest hypocrit i have ever...EVER met. And im supposed to just move on with my life and go straight back to loving Jesus and trusting people and commit to a relationship with another person that is just gonna screw me over again!?!?!

Hell no.


Guess I'm still angry over everything still.

Sigh. Life goes on. And I know that I have a great life now. I love it actually. I just miss having someone that loves me and that i love.

It is just so not fair. Why does he get to be surrounded by the people that I love and the place that I grew up in and love, and I have to deal with my doubts and my insecurities about that place and everyone that is there?!?