blah.

Moving out was definitely an adventure. One that I felt was not going to be as hard as it seems to be.

Idk. I mean I love my roommate, I've known her for a long time (we went to high school together) and I wasnt worried about us getting along.

And we are getting along fine. But I spend all day working, and she doesnt have a job so she sits at home and watches tv or goes on the computer and does who the hell knows all day.

Eats all the food, doesnt do any dishes, doesnt clean anything, and it drives me nuts! I work all day come home, put dishes away, clean the dishes, clean the kitchen, and do all sorts of cleaning stuff that I dont want to do. Im sick of it.

I guess its all apart of growing up. Ive learned Im a neat freak. I like to keep my house clean. Especially since Im paying hard earned money for it. And I don't like to spend money but I never seem to have any.

Now isnt that a huge conundrum. I dont like to spend money, but yet I always seem to be spending it. Its like there is always shit that needs to be bought. I avoid going out to eat b.c I dont want to spend money, but yet...I cant seem to save any anyways. Whether its car stuff or gas or just general things. Im going nuts!

I hate growing up sometimes.

And all this makes me feel lonely. I have no idea why...but it does. Im sick of being lonely.

And then there is the decision of just sticking with my classes (culinary) or going ahead and dropping them and working until I can get into the business program. If I drop them soon I wont have to repay anything, which is a good thing, but do I really want to drop them? I don't want to go to school at all. I feel like I am learning so much at work, and what I m learning is what I want to do for the rest of my life, so why waste time doing culinary?

ugh. i hate it when I just feel like crying for stupid things. Makes me think of the statement, that there is no use crying over spilt milk. But its definitely true, and yet its what I want to do.

and I miss my car...I cant wait to have it back on monday.

o yeah...and then there is my dad. Its like me moving out made me not his daughter anymore, or put us back in our relationship to where we were when there was all that custody battles and before we lived together. I mean really dad? Just b.c i moved out doesnt mean i dont need you to act like you love me still. I guess I was expecting more from our relationship than there actually is. We must have this relationship where we can be a dad and daughter only if we live together, and if we dont then we dont really have a relationship. Which super duper sucks.

I guess I just need to continue to take it one day at a time, keep exercising so I feel better about myself, and continue to learn in anyway that I can.

Goodnight everyone