crossroads...

have you ever felt that you're at a crossroad and you dont know which way to go?? thats kind of what i feel like now...

there's different way to take, different choices to choose, and each have consequences, but each may have rewards as well...

but which one do i take??

i want to take the path that is right, the one that God wants me to take, but im still in the dark...which one is the path less traveled?? which one is right??

This may seem silly but im reminded of a song from the second pocahantas movie...near the end (or it may be the chorus) she sings " how do i know, where do i go from here?"

i want to be strong, i want to be mature, and i want to make the right decision.

but is it possible for me to be, and do, all of those things at one time??

Im told by different people different things. sometimes im told that i need to stand up for my self, then im told im being hypocritical for doing so. am i going about it the wrong way??

am i going about life the wrong way??

I think so...i need to start focusing my life more on God. I know that...its just hard to do. Its never been easy for me to seek him, ive always had trouble reading the bible, and praying. I need to start doing it though...

but am i doing it for the right reasons?!

or am i doing it just because im told i need to...

I love God. He is my savior, my father...but can he be my friend?!? Can I let him be my friend...

He has gotten me through a lot of stuff in my life time...why did i push him away? did i push him away?? idk...he seems to have gone to the background...and its my fault. I need to bring him back...

Why does all of this have to be so hard??

Im tired of feeling this hurt, this pain...im tired of crying...

Im tired of never being good enough...

when i think about these things...my thought is that God thinks im good enough, and he can take away the pain, i just only have to give it too him...

am i just that prideful that it is so hard to do that?!? I mean...am i that comfortable with what im feeling that to give it away would be so awful??

I finally found something that makes me happy...and i thought that God put it in my life...but if God aint the center of it...will he take it away?? and what good would the gift be if I didnt use it for his glory?!?

Am I willing to give up my control in everything I do...for God??

I think so.

I want to be.

I dont know how though...

God is love...and I love God.

So I know what I should do...

but can I do it??