loneliness

so im extremely lonely right now.

i hate being lonely. it makes me really miss him.

i know i shouldnt, i know that he didnt treat me as he should (after we broke up). But i Still love him. I miss my best friend. I miss the fun we used to have.

When Im lonely like this I think alot about what went wrong with our relationship, and i still havent come to any concrete conclusions.

I know that I had issues with jealousy, and was way too snoopy. He needed his privacy and I didnt give it to him. I guess I have trust issues as well.

Im scared to move on. I dont want to have a life without him. Im letting him go, and im moving on. but i hate how its ended...i hate how im feeling.

riding solo...yay me...

im sitting here on my couch while he is with his ex gf...who cheated on him...what does she have that i dont? i never cheated on him...never came close! he came close to cheating on me...

i dont understand love. i know ive grown up a lot in this past year.

but i wish i didnt have to go through this.

if i ever get suicidal...it will be becuase im lonely. i cant stand this feeling...

its probably why in high school i pretty much always had a bf...cant stand being lonely.

part ofme wants to get in a relaitonship now...but im no where near ready...just flirting with other guys makes me cry

but im not crying now. and thats an improvement...i cant say anything about later...but im not now. and thats what is important.

sigh

this too shall pass...

right???